This definitely isn’t where I parked my car

What am I doing here?

What am I looking for?

Well, here’s the long-winded story:

I am a young woman, first and foremost; doe-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to get eaten alive by this “real world” that everyone keeps warning me about. I was given a name at birth, sure, but like everyone else on this planet, I’m looking to make a name for myself. The real question here is How?

TO THE INTERNET! 

Okay, now what?

Well, let’s see…maybe….

 YOUTUBE.

I would love to be a beauty blogger or YouTuber, but there’s more to it than making a channel and calling it a day. Major road block: I’m broke! I go to college, I spend what little money I have on alcohol and club entry fees. And alcohol. I don’t have means to buy expensive BB Creams, fancy foundations, and $35 mascaras on a daily basis to keep up with blog posts and YouTube viewers who are losing interest every day. And don’t get me wrong here, I’m not hating on YouTubers or beauty bloggers at all. In fact, that is a lifestyle I envy. Ask anyone, I’ve been talking about making a YouTube channel since middle school. I guess it means I’m growing up because I’ve come to terms with my failed YouTube dreams and empty wallet.

Oh, I’ve got it!

FASHION BLOGGER.

No, no… that would never work. Mostly for the empty wallet previously mentioned, but also for the body image comments that come along with it. I’m no skinny mini. Clothes don’t hang on me like a hanger, but rather cling to me like a stuffed sausage link. I know what you’re thinking…”buy bigger clothes, stupid!” Hey, fuck off! I like the person I am.

AH-HAH! 

BODY CONFIDENCE BLOGGER.

No, that would never work either. Not that I don’t have confidence, because I do. It’s just, I don’t know…that takes a lot out of a person to be confident all the time 24/7, especially online. I enjoy staying home and basking in my own ugliness and self-pity some days, IS THAT A CRIME? Besides, I’m looking to adopt a healthier lifestyle these days…OH! THAT’S PERFECT!

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE BLOG.

YES, OF COURSE! A blog to rule all blogs! A journey! Come, join me. Come with me through the Fat Forrest as I make my way to The Land Of Skinny! No, no. Absolutely not. That is some heavy stuff (pun intended) to be writing about every week. That’s something I would rather keep to myself and do how I want to do, without people telling me what I should or shouldn’t put in my omelet in the morning.

Hmmm. I’m out of ideas. Well, I’m a woman, so what else is there?

See, right there! That’s the problem with this society. Women have such narrow roles, especially when it comes to making it on the internet. What ever happened to Wonder Woman, girl power, a woman’s right to choose, or Susan B. Anthony? It’s true what Lily Allen says, it’s hard out here for a bitch. This world needs more feminists.

uh oh.

Watch out, here I come.

FEMINIST BLOGGER.

Yes. I’ll wear lipstick, but kick ass. I’ll tell that man where to stick his sandwich. I’ll lecture men on gender equality while making out with 3 girls at once. No, I could never keep up with this. This is all wrong! Oh, no…that’s not what I meant…the kissing another girl part isn’t wrong, I mean, if that’s what you want, by all means kiss away! That was a close one. I pray I don’t get attacked by real feminists or a gaggle of gays for that one. Love is love!

Hey…

Maybe…

LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE BLOGGER.

Pause for laughter.

My love life consists of wine, Tinder, tears, and the complete series of Boy Meets World on DVD. So, there’s that…

So, turns out I’m still lost. Maybe one day I’ll find my way on the internet. Until then, please read the shitty things I post. I will most definitely make you feel bad for me, but maybe, just maybe, I’ll make you laugh too? Hey it’s worth a shot, right?

I’m so sorry,

Victoria, Blog On Fleek (it’s ironic, dammit)

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One comment

  1. Silly! Keep brainstorming. Sky is the limit, you know really us women, ladies and itches don’t have anything pinning us in except our own minds. I know a girl who you-tubes her mind craft badassery, women are doctors, lawyers, teachers, Mechanics, sharp shooters, and race car drivers to name a few.
    Sure men are all those things but men who are teachers, nurses, stay at home parents, wedding planners, etc probably take a lot more flack then us ladies…at any rate, in the end, it’s only ever us who lets other people define who we can be and what we are good at. Let go of their stories and you are free! I will cheer you on.

    Like

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