Love Me Tinder

I know what you’re thinking, “Victoria, you’re late to the Tinder game. This is old news.”

That is where you’re wrong, my friend. That is where you’re very wrong. For me, this was a long time coming. It’s time I share my story.

You see, it all started over a year ago. It was November. I first downloaded Tinder when two of my friends kept talking about it. I was down in the dumps for, ya know, reasons… for, ya know, boy reasons. But that’s not important. Anyway, I figured HEY, I literally have nothing to fucking lose and I need a good laugh.

I downloaded Tinder. I picked out pictures that made me look fun, my teeth look whiter, my hair look prettier.

It was all a joke to me. So much so that I actually made my bio read, “just make me laugh, dammit!” The results were actually hilarious:

Sometimes poets are found in the least likely of places

Dropped some knowledge on Jordan

I desperately needed a hobby

Gus would do anything for love

IT’S NOT A LONG WALK IF YOU’RE ON A FOUR WHEELER, JOSHUA

I’m not

I don’t know, Reaves, what IF we found out we were cousind?

Norris? More like BORE-iss, AMMIRIGHT?

Turns out Max was a real animal lover

Tyler was just looking for a booty call

Marc was looking for answers that I just didn’t have

Gross

Nothing coherent happens on Tinder after 2am

That’s my dream date, in fairness

DAMN RIGHT YOU DID, SEAN

Liam and Hank are probably married now, shitting on each other’s chests and cumming in each other’s ears. Just call me a modern day Cupid.

Still awaiting an answer from Timothy

Michael came on a little too strong

I don’t get it

still recovering

Needless to say, none of these “matches” were actual matches. Personally, I’ve outgrown Tinder. But I’m glad I have these little screenshots to look back on. I’m thankful for my time on Tinder. I’ve talked to so many characters. It’s basically the virtual equivalent of standing outside of a club, talking to the drunk smokers at 3am. Sometimes people are dicks, sometimes people are nice but incredibly dull, sometimes people are somewhere in between. And then there are people who will straight-up confess to being full-on rapists.

You know…I did eventually meet up with someone from Tinder.

He actually murdered me. I am writing to you from beyond the grave.

Rest In Peace,

Victoria, Blog On Fleek