Love Me Tinder

I know what you’re thinking, “Victoria, you’re late to the Tinder game. This is old news.”

That is where you’re wrong, my friend. That is where you’re very wrong. For me, this was a long time coming. It’s time I share my story.

You see, it all started over a year ago. It was November. I first downloaded Tinder when two of my friends kept talking about it. I was down in the dumps for, ya know, reasons… for, ya know, boy reasons. But that’s not important. Anyway, I figured HEY, I literally have nothing to fucking lose and I need a good laugh.

I downloaded Tinder. I picked out pictures that made me look fun, my teeth look whiter, my hair look prettier.

It was all a joke to me. So much so that I actually made my bio read, “just make me laugh, dammit!” The results were actually hilarious:

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Sometimes poets are found in the least likely of places


 

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Dropped some knowledge on Jordan


 

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I desperately needed a hobby


 

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Gus would do anything for love


 

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IT’S NOT A LONG WALK IF YOU’RE ON A FOUR WHEELER, JOSHUA


 

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I’m not


 

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I don’t know, Reaves, what IF we found out we were cousind?


 

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Norris? More like BORE-iss, AMMIRIGHT?


 

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Turns out Max was a real animal lover


 

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Tyler was just looking for a booty call


 

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Marc was looking for answers that I just didn’t have


 

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Gross


 

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Nothing coherent happens on Tinder after 2am


 

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That’s my dream date, in fairness


 

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DAMN RIGHT YOU DID, SEAN


 

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Liam and Hank are probably married now, shitting on each other’s chests and cumming in each other’s ears. Just call me a modern day Cupid.


 

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Still awaiting an answer from Timothy


 

 

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Michael came on a little too strong


 

 

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I don’t get it


 

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still recovering


 

Needless to say, none of these “matches” were actual matches. Personally, I’ve outgrown Tinder. But I’m glad I have these little screenshots to look back on. I’m thankful for my time on Tinder. I’ve talked to so many characters. It’s basically the virtual equivalent of standing outside of a club, talking to the drunk smokers at 3am. Sometimes people are dicks, sometimes people are nice but incredibly dull, sometimes people are somewhere in between. And then there are people who will straight-up confess to being full-on rapists.

You know…I did eventually meet up with someone from Tinder.

He actually murdered me. I am writing to you from beyond the grave.


Rest In Peace,

Victoria, Blog On Fleek 

 

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8 comments

  1. Haha… that was so hilarious. I couldn’t quite get the joke either. At first I thought that he is trying to infer that the blonde(you) is smart and pretty, but then I saw in your picture and you’re not blonde. Now I am lost… :/

    Like

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